Mama Needs A New Pair of Shoes

When Tessa was two months old, I took her to her well baby check-up to get her first round of immunizations.  We all know how much I enjoy that activity.  But this trip proved especially harrowing because the doctor gave me a choice.  He informed me that their office was participating in the final stages of studying the effects of a new shot to combat meningitis.  He gave me the option of enrolling Tessa, but put no pressure on me to participate.  He is an amazing doctor and we've been through a lot together--a billion ear infections, eye problems, etc.  Heck, he even visits me in the hospital when I have a baby!  I trust him so much so I asked if he would enroll his daughters and he said yes.  I couldn't decide, though, so I requested more information and the study nurse working in the office came in to give me more information.

She told me that if I enrolled in the study, Tessa would be randomly assigned into either the control group or the group receiving this new shot.  The "shot" group was much larger; it was three times as likely that she would be put in that group.  No matter which group she was placed in, I would have to fill out forms with information (did she get any pain medication?  how long did she cry?  did it affect her appetite?  did she run a fever?).  In fact, each time she got a shot, I'd have to fill out a little booklet after observing her for a week and then mail it in.

I was paralyzed.  I had no idea what to do.  On the one hand, I wanted to support science.  On the other hand, I didn't want to inject my newborn with an unproven shot (although I was assured that this was the final study before FDA approval and that had been proven safe in many other studies).  I didn't want Tessa to die of meningitis someday when she had the chance to get the drugs to save her (for free, I might add) but I also don't want her getting autism or something.  I started freaking out.  Why in the world would they present a choice like this to a woman (alone at the doctor's office) who was sleep deprived and hormonally unstable?

I quickly called Carter and asked him what I should do.  He asked if I would be compensated (the answer was yes).  Then I got irrationally mad at him for even thinking about that.  He just said that he trusted my judgment and tried to get off the phone as quickly as possible (and looking back I don't blame him one bit).  I almost cried while agonizing over this, folks.  I spent 45 minutes in that exam room trying to decide what to do.  I knew what my mother would say (NO!  Don't overwhelm your baby's immune system!) and I knew what Carter would say (YES!  Free shots and money on top of that!).  Finally, I told the nurse to go ahead and enroll her.

While waited to hear what group we would be in, I started wishing really hard that we could get put in the control group.  The odds weren't good, but at least I'd get some money and the opportunity to do a science experiment (I really miss homework and here was a beautiful yellow book just waiting to be filled out!) without putting Tessa in danger (real or imagined).  Lo and behold, when the nurse returned, she told me we were in the control group!  Yay!

So, for the last year, I've scheduled Tessa's appointments carefully (we have a two week window to get the immunizations), collected the data (measuring needle marks with special ruler, taking temperatures with a special thermometer they gave me, etc) and then filled out all the paperwork.  I also completed phone calls with the nurse after each visit as well.  On our last appointment, for Tessa's 15 month check, I was informed that it was our last visit of the study.  I couldn't believe it!  I got a little sentimental thinking of all the data I collected and all the booklets I filled out.  I whipped out my camera and took pictures.  When I signed on to the study, it seemed like 15 months was so long.  But now they were over and my baby wasn't really a baby anymore.  Sad.

Don't you love the one of her licking the exam table?  She was all over the place at this visit.  She hates getting shots, but she did really well.  And we got the best exam room in the whole office--Disney themed!

Today I got my check in the mail!  So exciting!  Since I did all the work, Carter said it was only fair that I use the money for myself.  I ordered these:

Yes, Mama got her new pair of shoes!