She's Leaving Home

I'm still glowing from my amazing weekend jaunt to New York City.  I dined in amazing restaurants, viewed priceless works of art, saw a Broadway show, and shopped in glorious stores.  And now I have to figure out how to blog it all.  I think I'll just separate it out into events (The Wicked Lottery, My Day at the Met, Norma's Brunch, The New Kids on the Block, etc) instead of trying to do a chronological or day by day post.  It'll probably take me the rest of the week.  Groan, roll your eyes, get excited--do what you feel when you find out someone is going to blog about their vacation.  I HAVE to do it, though, because this was a major trip for me.

But before I jump into the trip itself, I need to address the whole leaving home situation.  It's hard to leave home, especially when you're the Mommy.  It's expensive, it's a logistical challenge (who watches the four little girls while Mommy is away?), it's an emotional minefield (the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth when said girls find out Mommy is leaving is enough to break anyone's heart).  But sometimes you just have to do it.

This past month has gone at a break neck pace.  I helped host a reunion for my college friends, attended my brother's wedding in another state, nursed a child back to health after a tough surgery, and started a Wednesday night teaching gig.  All of that in less than four weeks.  As family members and friends can attest, I've asked for more than my fair share of babysitting help and various other favors to make this crazy schedule work (I'm so grateful to them all!).  While all these things were incredibly positive experiences (yes, even the surgery, as we were desperate for a cure to all those horrific, ear-drum-bursting infections), they left me pretty drained.  This Manhattan trip has remained a glowing spot on my calendar--the true vacation!  The one chance to celebrate weaning the baby, to have some time to relax and explore a city I've been dying to visit for most of my life, to see my sister, and most importantly, to have some time being alone.  My mother always says the best psychological benefits come from anticipating a vacation, and having this trip booked helped me get through all of the craziness.

Still, when the day came, it was hard to leave.  I felt horrible about leaving Chloe, who was still recovering from her tonsillectomy (we really struggled on days 3-6 figuring out how to manage her pain after she had a bad reaction to her medication--and we learned that day 5 post surgery is typically the most difficult day of all.  Who knew?).  I felt guilty about leaving Carter to deal with everything (i.e. broken swamp cooler, sick child, Sacrament Meeting on Father's Day, etc) on his own.  I felt bad for "abandoning" the girls yet again.  They were sad to hear I was going and there more than a few tears shed.  Luckily, non-refundable tickets and the fact that Katie has exactly four weekends left before she leaves New York for good prevented me from caving into the pressure to just stay home.  It was now or never.  And it was four days.  Everyone would live.   I calmly explained to the girls that I would miss them but that they would get to spend lots of extra time with Daddy.  I also told them I would buy them lovely presents.  I told them about how much I missed my sister and how I needed to visit her.  With Chloe, I went even more in depth.  I told her that one day she would be a grown up.  She would maybe have a family and/or a job, but she would definitely have a lot of responsibilities.  I told her that she would probably get very, very tired.  I told her that I wanted her to remember me taking this trip.  I wanted her to remember that it's okay to take breaks when you really, really need them and that there's nothing wrong with having time to yourself to recharge your batteries.  I told her to remember that her mommy said it was okay for her to do that.  I also told her that she will miss her sisters terribly one day and that she should go visit them when she needs that break.  I told her I hoped it wouldn't take her two years to see them in their new city!  And then I followed my own advice, determined to be a good example.  Because they don't need a martyr--they need a mama who's refreshed and prepared to do her job with a good attitude.   I left home.

I'm glad that I did.  For two of the four glorious days, I was completely on my own.  I set my schedule according to the way I felt--I slept when I wanted to, ate when I was hungry, walked as slow or as fast as I wanted, did the activities that interested me, and took as long as I wanted browsing in shops.  Pretty normal things, but not for me.  They hardly ever happen in my life.   My schedule is typically determined by four (admittedly cute but at times very hard to please) little girls, not to mention a husband, church callings, and every other pressing task in my life.  Doing things my way and having some solitude was such a delightful novelty that hadn't happened for several years. 

Besides getting that break I needed, celebrating my new found freedom, and setting a good example for my daughters, I was blessed with another unexpected and amazing experience.  I got to see my sister, who is now a bona fide New Yorker, in her natural habitat.  I watched her hail cabs, chart subway routes, deal with strangers in the kindest way.  I got to see her very favorite spots in the city.  I got to meet her co-workers and see her office.  I saw her apartment and went to her church.  I'm so glad I got to see all those things for myself.  I was amazed at the life she made for herself in that crazy city.  I felt so unbelievably proud of her and the way she conquered NYC.  I am so, so happy that I got to see her there before she leaves to begin the next adventure in her life.  I can't get over how lucky I am to be her sister.

So yes, I left home.  And had a little adventure of my own.  Stay tuned . . .