A Disappointed Fan

I am a Dan Brown fan. I am not ashamed to admit it. In fact, I have been known to trot this fact out when I'm in an argument with a Louis L'Amour or Stephanie Meyer fan to illustrate that I'm not a complete literary snob and can enjoy a lowbrow, best-selling author just as much as the next person. I admit his writing is pretty clunky (click here for Dan Brown's 20 Worst Sentences), but the man can weave art history in with a good conspiracy thriller, which is something I really appreciate. So I was pretty excited when September 15th rolled around. My pre-ordered Kindle edition of Brown's latest, The Lost Symbol, was magically delivered via whispernet in the middle of the night (for less than the price of a paperback!). I could hardly wait to tear into it.

I heard a couple years back that Masonry was to be the subject of Brown's latest novel. In fact, I heard rumors that Joseph Smith was going to factor largely into the novel (which turned out to be a complete lie--there were only two allusions to Mormonism in the novel and neither one of them had a thing to do with Masonry). I went through a major Mason phase where I read every book and website I could get my hands on about Mormons and Masons. I even took my brother on a tour of Temple Square where I explained all the Masonic symbols that are featured there and why the early church leaders would use them. (I would be happy to give any interested parties the tour as long as we get to have the banana dessert at Typhoon at the end. That's a must!) Additionally, I TiVoed every documentary on Masonry on the History Channel. I could tell you things about the Knights Templar that would make your head spin! To say that I was prepared for this book is kind of an understatement.

I just learned the hard way that over-prepping for a Dan Brown is a big mistake. Part of the charm (for me) of The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons was learning arcane trivia about cathedrals in Europe. Since my brain was already swimming in arcane trivia about Masonry, I found myself wishing Albert Pike or Captain Morgan would figure more into the story. I think I had already written my ideal story in my head. Another fun bit that I enjoy in a good Dan Brown is that he always attempts to throw mind benders into the story (Jesus was married! The Holy Grail is actually a woman!). But the concepts of apotheosis and Gnoetic science, which he attempts to muse on in a profound way, felt forced. Maybe it didn't feel earth shattering to me because I already believe in these things. Or maybe because the 30 page denouement that hinged on these ideas felt too implausible. I mean, if I had just endured physical and mental torture that almost killed me and then witnessed a grisly death, I would probably wait until the next day to hike around Washington D.C. tourist sites while discussing these issues with my fellow torturees. But that's just me, I guess.

Another typical Dan Brown move is to have a major plot twist toward the end of the book. Unfortunately, I was able to guess this book's "shocker" 30 chapters out (which I realize may not seem all that early in Dan Brown's choppy world of 2 page chapters). Carter thinks I have an uncanny ability at guessing plots (he's still annoyed that I whispered the ending of The Prestige to him halfway through the movie--but I'm sorry! Any plot twist the hinges on a careful study of Christian Bale's face is one I'm going to pick up on!) and he feels sorry for me. But I get surprised all the time. I never could have guessed the ending of The Sixth Sense or The Life of Pi or even the crazy ending of a little French foreign film called He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (go watch it instantly on NetFlix! It's great!). I can be surprised if the twist is done artfully. I can be surprised when a twist is unexpected. This twist was neither. Poor Dan Brown needs to give up that device! Along with the device of mean investigator that would rather arrest Robert Langdon than listen to him. It's getting old.

Anyway, those are my sad, let down feelings about The Lost Symbol. They were so plentiful that I had to give the review in the center of the blog instead of on the side like usual. But, like a true fan, I still have hope. Hope that Ron Howard can maybe clean up the problems in the movie or that the next Dan Brown will be better. . .